i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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