after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
