My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
