I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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