did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
