The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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