My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
