i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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