Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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