Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
