So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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