He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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