Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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