this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
