I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
