Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
