i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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