dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
