i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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