Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
