playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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