im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
being pregnant is like rehab
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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