fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
