planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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