maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
