It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
