I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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