i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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