Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
