Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
