Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
