Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
