he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
