Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
