I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
