i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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