I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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