come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
