we have pet lesbian snakes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
