now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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