so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
