Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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