I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
