Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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