Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
