Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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