That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
