Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
