You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
