is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
