I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
