Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
