I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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