Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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