He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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