Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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