why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
