Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

This gyro tastes like lonliness

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(605): View more from South Dakota

there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

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(708): View more from Illinois

what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world

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(406): View more from Montana

WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN

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(618): View more from Illinois

I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there

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