i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
