fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
