We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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