U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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